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Being John Malkovich Quotes

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  • Being John Malkovich Cast:
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    - Craig Schwartz
    Cameron Diaz - Lotte Schwartz
    Ned Bellamy - Derek Mantini
    Eric Weinstein - Father at Puppet Show

    Being John Malkovich Quotes:

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    Craig: Mr. Malkovich! I think I can explain!

    John M.: Yeah? Explain.

    Craig: My name is Craig Schwartz....and we operate a little business here, that simulates for our clientele, well, the experience of.....of being you, actually.

    John M.: Simulates??

    Craig: Yeah, after a fashion.

    John M.: What exactly does that mean?

    Craig: Well, it's hard to describe..


    Dr. Lester: Ah, tell me Lottie, can you understand a word I'm saying?!

    Lottie: Oh yes, Dr. Lester, absolutely. You were just explaining the, um, nutritional value of ingesting minerals through a colloidal form, which I personally couldn't agree more with.

    Dr. Lester: Oh, be still my heart!


    John M.: The...this...the weird thing is this Maxine likes to call me Lottie.

    Charlie Sheen: Ouch! That is hot! Maybe she's using you to channel some dead lesbian lover...Sounds like my kind of gal! Let me know when you're done with her, yeah?

    John M.: What are you talking about, done with her? Tonight really freaked me out!


    Craig: I mean, how old are you, sir?

    Dr. Lester: 105. Carrot juice. Lots of it. I swear, sometimes it's not worth it. I piss orange. And I have to piss sitting down, like a goddamn girlie-girl....every 15 minutes.


    Dr. Lester: Any questions?

    Craig: Well, just one. Why are these ceilings so low?

    Dr. Lester: Low overhead my boy! We pass the savings onto you! Hahaha!

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